


Frolicking

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 21:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10345140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SPOILERS: Some for first three seasonsJack steps forth. Everyone else -- foolishly -- follows.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Frolicking

##  Frolicking

##### Written by Jonah in the Whale   
Comments? Write to me at [jonakay@hotmail.com](mailto:jonakay@hotmail.com)

  


Beyond the first rise, an hour's walk from the stargate, they saw it. 

"Whoa!" exclaimed Jack, halting just before the crest of the hill. In the dale below lay a sea of azure blue flowers, rippling in the gentle breeze. They covered the dip and reached half-way up the surrounding slopes. 

"Wow," said Daniel, halting beside Jack. "That's... that's..." 

Sam obviously agreed. "It's so.... so..." 

"... wow," finished Daniel. 

Teal'c summed up. "It is indeed a sight that inspires much speechlessness." 

Daniel shot a look at him; he noticed Jack doing the same. But Teal'c simply gazed at the flowers, looking almost blissful despite his at-attention stance. 

"Funny place to plant a garden," commented Jack, recovering first. 

"Are you suggesting, sir --" Sam. 

"They wouldn't just grow like this, would they? Would they, Daniel?" 

It seemed to Daniel he was being required to think, rather than merely appreciate. "Um, well, the dense arrangement of the blooms, the bordering effect, it does have a tended quality about it. Though it's hard to be certain from this distance." He started forward. 

"Where are you going, Daniel?" 

"I just thought I'd --" 

"Stay." 

Daniel kept going. "But --" 

"Daniel. No!" 

Daniel stopped, and turned back around. "What?" he demanded. 

In his best parental tone, Jack said, "Flowers. Bad." 

"Bad?" 

"Bad." 

"No, flowers good, Jack." 

"Would you two quit with the toddler-talk?" said Sam. 

"He started it," said Daniel. "Jack. Jack!" he insisted, as his C.O. appeared suddenly inattentive. 

Jack, frowning to himself, looked up. "Hmm?" 

"Where's the harm in taking a closer look? I mean, that's what we're here for, why we travel through the stargate, isn't it?" 

Jack's expression cleared, and he raised a finger. "The Wizard of Oz," he declared. 

"Ah, he's not here." 

"Isn't that your Goa'uld persona?" Sam teased Daniel. 

Jack was impatient. "Didn't either of you read The Wizard of Oz as kids?" 

"Look Jack, I know you have this Oz fetish --" 

"The field of flowers. They gave off some kind of magic, or --" 

"Magic?" said Daniel, not quite sure he'd heard right. 

"-- or chemical, or _something,_ " Jack glared, "that caused everyone to go... peculiar." 

"Peculiar?" questioned Teal'c. 

"I don't remember exactly," admitted Jack, "but something." 

"I don't remember that part of The Wizard of Oz," argued Daniel. 

"Maybe it was the sequel, who cares? The point stands." 

"There was a sequel?" asked Sam. 

"And you _read_ it?" added Daniel. "And what point? The particular strategies employed by the Wicked Witch of the West don't strike me as a pressing military concern." 

"The _point_ is metaphorical, people. This pretty field of flowers didn't just happen naturally. Keep alert." 

"Point taken, sir," said Sam. 

"Indeed, O'Neill," said Teal'c, as the four of them set off down the hill. "Although I am not acquainted with the Wicked Witch of the West, I accede to the need for caution." 

"East," said Jack. "I'm sure the flowers were the doing of the Wicked Witch of the East. She had this army of monkeys, with wings --" 

"Monkeys, with wings?" said Daniel. 

"Lotsa little spacemonkeys, flapping about --" 

"Actually, I think 'monkeys with wings' sums up you Air Force jocks perfectly." 

"Ahem!" said Sam. 

"Besides," said Jack with authority, "General Hammond's not from the East, he's from Texas." 

Several minutes of squabbling later, they reached the edge of the flowers. As Daniel had observed earlier, the sea of flowers ended abruptly, the border so consistent as to be almost certainly unnatural. The team, at Jack's command, halted about thirty feet away. 

"The plants are so close together, the effect is almost like a carpet," Sam marvelled. 

"Bad seventies carpet," said Jack. "Don't tell me, this planet was terra-formed by the Goa'uld Donny Osmond." 

"Actually, sir, this is one of those planets not on the Abydos cartouche --" 

"Yes, Carter, I know. I do occasionally listen in the briefings." 

"Donny Osmond?" said Daniel, starting forward once again. 

"Never heard of him? Very famous God, according to my highschool girlfriend. And Daniel?" 

"Mmm?" 

"Stay." 

Daniel swivelled to face a suspiciously guileless Jack O'Neill. "You can't be serious. We've come _all_ this way down the hill, and now I can't even go look?" 

"I thought we could go around," said Jack, innocently, "see what's over the next hill. What do you think, Carter?" 

"Well sir, the UAV didn't pick up anything that would constitute a threat beyond this point --" 

"But then again, it didn't pick up this field of flowers either, did it?" 

"No, but it took a slightly different route to the one we've taken to get to this point. Sir, if the flowers were giving off some sort of chemical, as you suggested, we would be affected already. I don't feel any different, do you?" 

"Carter, it was a storybook, okay? A metaphor. Like your wormholes." 

"Sir, the idea you suggested is not as 'far out' as you might think --" 

Daniel, hopping from foot to foot as Jack and Sam conferred, broke in. "You're fine, I'm fine -- Teal'c, how are you? Fine? And Junior? -- see, we're all fine, so what is the problem?" 

"Flowers," said Jack. "On Earth, flowers attract bees. Now, I don't know about you, but I find myself wondering what kind of creature assists with the pollination process on this planet." 

Teal'c, who had been observing the sky for quite some time, offered support. "As do I," he said, almost vehemently. 

"What's up, Teal'c?" 

Teal'c gave Jack a meaningful look. 

"BP6-3Q1," supplied Sam. "Giant stinging insects?" 

"Oh. Ah. Of course. Right." 

"But given the size of the flowers," added Sam, "we're probably not talking anything too large." 

"I see nothing of the kind that attacked us on BP6-3Q1," agreed Teal'c, sounding nevertheless disquieted. 

Jack patted his arm reassuringly. "Teal'c, you hold tight. I'll check things out." 

"I will be fine, O'Neill. I shall accompany you." 

Daniel, meanwhile, had used Jack's momentary distraction to inch closer to the flowers. "There!" 

"There what?" said Jack, striding forward. 

"I saw one," said Daniel, eyes darting amongst the closer flowers. 

"What was it like?" 

"I'm not sure. I saw the movement, rather than the insect itself." 

Jack, followed by Sam and Teal'c, edged closer still to the line of flowers, ranging the nearest blooms for signs of movement. 

"Wait, I see one," said Sam, crouching and putting a hand out to the outcropping of flowers. 

"Carter!" 

"It's okay, sir. I've got it." As she stood, drawing her hands together, it became apparent that she had in her possession a small specimen jar, into which she had quickly scooped a petal and its temporary resident. Screwing the lid on, she held it forth for all to inspect. 

"Looks like a bee," said Jack. 

He tried to take the jar, but Sam snatched it back. Her offering having been acknowledged, she proceeded to examine the catch for herself. "Similar in shape and structure to a bee," she said, "but it doesn't appear to have a sting." 

"Any teeth?" 

"No, sir," Sam answered seriously. "In fact, it seems quite docile. Perhaps the social organisation of this genus is less hierarchical than that of bees. As far as I know, the evolutionary purpose of the stinger that bees have is to protect the hive, and thus the queen, from threat." 

"Or perhaps the flowers _do_ release a drug, and it's simply stoned," said Jack. As Teal'c moved to Sam's side to inspect the captured insect, he slid his pack off his shoulders. "I'm going in. I want you all to wait until I give the okay to follow me." 

* * *

Jack touched his weapon ritualistically, before wading into the dense growth. Blossom-heavy fronds clutched at his legs, at some points reaching to his chest. Several small insects of the kind Carter had captured dislodged from the blooms, before settling elsewhere. 

"Okay so far," said Jack, scoping out a path. 

Behind him, Daniel spoke. "Thus," he intoned, "Jack O'Neill, the great and courageous warrior, intrepid leader of SG-1, steps forth -- into the field of flowers..." 

"Can it, Daniel." Why was he doing this anyway? Because Daniel wanted to look at the flowers. And why did Daniel want to look at the flowers? Okay, so it was the only remotely interesting thing that had happened so far on this planet of grassy fields, but that would hardly be Daniel's reason. Daniel's reason, he was sure, would be eminently logical to no one except Daniel. And possibly Carter. Either way, he knew better than to ask. 

He noticed that Teal'c, gaze still darting in all directions, had followed in his wake. 

"Teal'c," said Jack, now twenty feet in, "I thought I made myself clear." 

"The creature in Major Carter's specimen jar appears unaware of its capture," replied Teal'c, forging his way to Jack's side. 

"You're suggesting it _is_ drugged?" 

"My symbiote may reduce the effects if this is so." 

"I still feel fine." 

"It is also possible that the creature directly consumed the pollen, which would explain why all of us remain unaffected." 

"Okay, so we don't eat the flowers. I don't have a problem with that. Daniel, Carter, hear that? No eating the --" 

Jack's sentence broke off in a wordless exclamation as Teal'c lunged at him, knocking them both off-balance. They crashed to the earth, Teal'c half on top of Jack, a cloud of blue petals confetti'ing in the air above. 

"Teal'c! What the hell? You're squashing me!" 

Teal'c rolled aside and sat up. "I am sorry. I saw something land upon your back, O'Neill." 

Jack pulled himself to a sitting position a little more slowly, rubbing his ribs where his weapon had delivered a knock. "Look buddy, I can understand you're a little squeamish about insects, but Carter has already established that they're harmless." 

"This one was different." 

"It was? What did it look like?" 

"Larger. Much larger." 

Jack glanced around apprehensively. "How much larger?" 

"You two okay?" called Carter from the fringes. 

"Just a moment!" Jack called back. 

"Extremely large. Of questionable intent." Teal'c climbed to his knees, further disturbing the plantlife. From nearby an extra movement occurred. An insect with a span of perfect white wings flitted past their heads. 

"You're right," said Jack, following its path with his eyes. "Gotta watch out for those butterflies. They're known for their questionable intent." 

"That is a butterfly?" 

"Yes." His attention was abruptly drawn to a flurry of activity occurring between his second and his archaeologist. 

* * *

Daniel and Sam stared as Teal'c tackled their C.O. to the ground. 

"Ouch," winced Sam. "That's got to hurt." 

Through the downward slope of foliage and the shower of rended flowers, Daniel saw Jack, cap missing, slowly sit up. Several petals had landed on his head and a bloom-laden frond poked over his shoulder. Daniel smiled. Postcard perfect. An opportunity lost. If only -- 

"You two okay?" Sam shouted. 

"Just a moment!" Jack responded. 

Daniel turned to Sam. "I wish I had a camera... do we have a camera?" 

She responded with a conspiratorial look. "The camcorder." 

Daniel gestured. "Give!" 

"It's in your pack, Daniel," Sam reminded him. 

Dumping his pack, Daniel pawed through the contents. "I can't find it. Where is it?" 

"Oh, here." Sam crouched down opposite and assisted his fumbling efforts, quickly coming up with the camera. She handed it to him. "They're still down. Hurry, Daniel!" 

"Carter! What are you two doing?" 

Daniel, standing up, checked the settings on the camera and switched it on. 

"Daniel, what are you doing with the camcorder? Daniel?" 

"Historical record," called Daniel, adjusting the focus. Teal'c came into view on the zoom. 

"Daniel! Leave off for a moment." 

"Can I help it that you're choosing to take a rest while I'm doing my job?" This is for 'Plant Boy', Jack. 

"Daniel, I'm warning you. Teal'c, help me up." 

"Teal'c," called Sam, "hold him there!" 

Teal'c suddenly disappeared from the frame, and Daniel looked up to see that he had once again flattened Jack. 

"Teal'c! Get off me!" 

"Another creature of questionable intent --" 

"The only creatures of questionable intent here are you three. Let me up! That's an order!" 

"Very well, O'Neill," said Teal'c, releasing him. 

Shaking his head, Jack sat up, pushing fronds out of his face. Through the viewfinder, Daniel saw Jack's eyes widen as he grasped the fact that the camera was pointed right at him. 

"Daniel! Stop pointing that thing at me! Daniel... Carter. Carter, stop him. That's an order, Major!" 

"Of course, sir," said Sam. Politely, she turned to Daniel. "Daniel? The Colonel says you should stop pointing that 'thing' at him." 

"Thing? What thing?" asked Daniel. "As a linguist, I find that referential to be woefully allusive." 

"I'll give you something to be woeful about," declared Jack, disappearing partially from the viewfinder as he began to rise. He dropped back down into focus with a cry of pain. The zoom-mode allowed Daniel to fully appreciate the agonised twist on his friend's face. 

"Jack!" Daniel dropped his camera hand to his side. "Jack, are you okay?" 

"My knee," said Jack, wincing. 

Daniel and Sam cast anxious glances at each other, before they both bounded into the blue and green sea. 

"Not the knee," said Sam. 

"Beating, stabbing, shooting, but not the knee," said Daniel. 

"Janet's going to kill us." 

"Oh yeah." 

Jack had discarded his weaponry and was protecting his knee from Teal'c's prodding when they arrived on the spot. 

"How bad is it?" Daniel asked the two on the ground. 

"Not sure." Jack pushed Teal'c's hands away, and held out an arm to Daniel. "Help me up." 

Daniel held out his unencumbered hand, and Jack took hold with a bone-crushing grip. And pulled. 

Daniel felt himself falling. "Wha--? Jack, you're pulling too --" Off-balance, the only way was down. He flung an arm out to save himself, but felt someone grab him around his body before he hit the ground. Suddenly, he was being rolled over, weight on his torso, his camera-arm rigidly trapped above his head. 

Jack's voice huffed his ear. "Thanks, Danny." And fingers began prying the camera from his grip. 

"Jack, you son of a bitch!" Injured knee or not -- most likely _not,_ Daniel suspected -- he was not letting Jack get hold of that camera. He wriggled furiously, and heaved at the weight on his back. Jack quit his efforts at the camera in order to restrain Daniel more effectively. Together they rolled over, fighting for dominance. Jack won, pinning Daniel flat on his back, before climbing up him to grab at the camera again. 

"Sir!" 

"O'Neill!" 

"The camera!" Daniel shouted at them. "Get the camera!" It was extraordinarily difficult wrestling one-handed, especially when one's opponent was a black-ops trained Air Force Colonel. Again Daniel wriggled frantically, feeling his shirt and T-shirt ride up. 

Jack's flushed, sparkle-eyed face looked into his own. He was enjoying this, the bastard. "Give it up, Danny." 

"No!" 

So Jack pulled the lowest of low tricks. Daniel felt fingers first dancing over his stomach, then concentrating their nibbling strokes at Daniel's ribs. Oh God. Jack was tickling him. This time his writhing was involuntary. 

"Jack! S-sto-stop it!" 

"Stop it, huh? Did you listen to me when I asked you to stop? Huh?" Jack grinned maliciously. 

It was no good. Daniel could not maintain his grip on his precious evidence. "Sam! The camera!" he choked, as he let it go. 

"Ha!" Jack broke off the rib torture, and lunged at the fallen object. 

But Daniel had two hands once again, and he was prepared to use them. With his right, he grabbed at Jack's snaking arm, with the other he pushed against Jack's face. Another buck of his body, and Jack lost his equilibrium. Again they rolled. 

"I've got it, Daniel!" called Sam. 

"Too slow, Mr Black Ops," taunted Daniel. 

"Slow? You asked for it, Danny." Jack now had two hands as well, and he knew how to use them better than Daniel. Plants flattened and flowers sprayed as they fought on, each now determined to get the upper hand for entirely personal reasons. 

From this point, it was over quickly. Daniel found himself flat on his stomach, head held to the ground, as Jack proceeded to stuff flowers down the back of his shirt. 

"Jack," wheezed Daniel. "D-don't. Tickles." 

"Sorry, Daniel, you ticklish? I forgot." 

"O'Neill." The weight disappeared from his back, and Daniel could hear Teal'c admonishing Jack. "O'Neill, can you not hear that Daniel Jackson is having difficulty breathing." 

"He's breathing like that because he's ticklish, Teal'c. Right, Danny?" 

Daniel rolled over onto his back, uncomfortably aware of the foliage down his shirt. Jack, gasping for breath somewhat himself, was sitting some distance away at the edge of the clearing of flattened plants, Teal'c gripping his collar firmly. "I'm... I'm okay, Teal'c." As he sat up, he began coughing. And couldn't stop. 

He saw Jack's sudden look of concern, then someone else dropped beside him and began rubbing his back. "Daniel?" It was Sam. "Is it your breathing? Daniel?" 

The irritation in his throat lessened, and he swallowed. And took a couple of experimental breaths. "No, I think I'm okay. Something stuck in my throat, that's all." 

Sam waved an object at him. "I got the camera. Our evidence is safe." 

Daniel nodded slowly, and looked complacently at Jack. 

The latter scowled, before turning a baleful eye over his shoulder. "You can let go of me now, Teal'c." 

"Do you promise to behave?" 

"Oh for -- yes, I'll leave Daniel alone. Okay?" 

"You were right, Colonel," said Sam. 

"About what in particular?" 

"I think we've established that the flowers _do_ have an unusual effect. It seems that the effect is proportional to the amount of testosterone in the system." 

"Oh, very funny, Carter. Teal'c, you don't have to hover, I promised, alright?" 

Daniel took in the exchange with only half an ear. He was more interested in the plantlife surrounding him. His first opportunity to actually observe, closely and without disruption, the field of flowers. He couldn't quite remember what it was he had particularly wanted to establish about them, but that didn't matter. The flowers were so blue, so amazingly purely blue. Possibly the blue of these flowers was the embodiment of Plato's theory of the true form, the archetype from which all other blues were merely ideas, imitations, of the one true blue. This was surely the truest blue. 

Flopping onto his back, Daniel measured the quality of blue against the sky. As he suspected, the sky, the transparent, illusively blue sky, paled in comparison. 

From what seemed quite some distance, the conversation between his three teammates continued. 

"Have we seen enough of the flowers? Everybody ready to move on?" 

"Your knee, O'Neill." 

"What about it?" 

"Did you not injure it?" 

"Er, I..." 

"He was faking it, Teal'c," said Sam. 

"I do not understand. To what purpose?" 

Jack was having language difficulty. "Um, I, well..." 

"I think he was playing a trick on Daniel." 

A pause. "So, O'Neill, you pretended injury to your knee in order to lure Daniel Jackson into the flowers, dispense with his camera, and deposit flowers down his shirt." 

"Er... yes." 

"I see." 

"So it was a little juvenile," said Jack defensively. 

The flowers stretched up and up, far over Daniel's head. They had not seemed nearly so tall earlier. In fact, he could have sworn the tallest did not reach above his chest. But now, now they touched the sky. If he climbed out on one, that one there for instance, perhaps he could climb up to the sun. Of course, that could get rather hot... 

"We have a fable on Chulak," said Teal'c. "The Jaffa who cried ha'tak." 

"We have that too," said Sam. 

"You do not have Jaffa." 

"Here it's known as 'the boy who cried wolf'." 

"A wolf is significantly less dangerous than a Ha'tak vessel." 

"I'm sure it's all the same to the sheep," said Jack. 

"Sheep?" 

"I'll explain on the way. Come on, rouse. We've got work to do. Daniel? We're going, now." 

"Okay. Bye, Jack." 

"Daniel?" insisted Jack. His face appeared in Daniel's vision. "You okay?" 

Daniel floated in lassitude. "How... far... to the star. The star?" 

"The stargate? You want to go back?" Jack's voice was strained with confusion. 

"I think... I think..." 

"Yes?" 

"Rationally, I have to say; that is, I believe --" 

"Daniel, spit it out." 

"I think I'm high, Jack." 

* * *

Jack, confronted by the accusatory glares of his 2IC and a large Jaffa, was righteously indignant. "Don't look at me! He's the one who wanted to get up close and personal with the flowers!" 

"That's quite a different thing from having them rubbed in his face," said Carter. 

"I'm fine, and I had my face rubbed in them, first by Mr Hypocrite here," he pointed to Teal'c, "then by Daniel. It's obviously a Daniel-thing. You know what his allergies are like." 

She wasn't buying it. "So do you, sir." 

"He said something caught in his throat," said Teal'c. "Perhaps it is as we suspected with the insect." 

"Of course," said Carter. "The ingestion of the pollen causes the victim to become drugged. Breathing it in has no effect." 

"Now that that's established," said Jack, "can we just leave the accusations for later? Carter, do you have enough samples for Janet? I think our first priority is to get Daniel back to base." 

The three of them turned to regard the fourth, still flat on his back, smiling dreamily up at his own hand which he had suspended above his head. 

"I checked his breathing, his heart-rate, and everything seems okay from that point of view," said Carter. 

"Do you think he can walk?" 

"I guess we should ask him." She walked over to him, gently moved his hand away, and inserted herself in his eyeline. "Daniel? Can you stand?" 

"Your eyes are like the sky, Sam." 

"That's very nice, Daniel, but do you think you can get up now?" 

Jack rolled his eyes at Carter's pussy-foot approach, and signalled to Teal'c to follow him. 

"It's okay, Sam," reassured Daniel. "It's not your fault. We're all like the sky, Sam. We're a projection. It's not our fault." 

"Oh, he's got it bad," said Jack. "Danny?" 

"Yes, Jack?" 

"Get up. Now." 

"Why?" 

Jack rolled his eyes, and bent down. "Carter, you take his right arm, I'll take his left. Ready? One, two, three." Together, they hauled Daniel to his feet, Teal'c moving in behind to catch him if he should fall. But he seemed steady enough, if docile. 

"There's nothing wrong with being an imitation," Daniel told Jack. "It's a description, not a judgement." 

"Right." 

"Sir, help me get all this stuff out of Daniel's clothes." 

As Jack and Carter shook as many flowers and associated debris out of his shirt as they could, Daniel explained further. "It's our language that's at fault. Our language, too, is only an imitation, a shallow representation of the imitations it tries to imitate." 

"Daniel, you're making no sense, you realise." 

"That's my point." 

"Uh huh. There, all done. Let's go." 

"Jack?" 

"Move it. Come on. Walk." Jack let go of his arm and gave him a little shove to make his point. "Teal'c, you better hang on to his gun for now. I don't think he'd be able to use it, anyway." 

"Jack, I'm not stupid, I'm merely high. I'm also rational enough to realise this, and to inform you of it." 

"You're very clever, Daniel. Now, do you think we could possibly make it back to our packs some time before the world turns?" 

Flanking a highly distractible Daniel, they left the field of flowers and gathered their packs, Daniel quite usefully taking command of his own pack without assistance. Before setting off for the stargate, Carter, instructing Daniel to focus on her, checked his pulse once again. 

"Your eyes are sky-blue too," she informed him. 

"I know. Perhaps somewhere down the line, we're related." 

"Like that makes sense," said Jack, as they started off. 

"Jack?" 

"No." Jack didn't have time for capers, he wanted to get Daniel to Janet as quickly as possible. Despite his denials to the other two, he knew this situation was all his fault. Well, in a way, he argued to himself, it was all really Daniel's fault. Dammit, if Daniel hadn't picked up that camera; and if Daniel wasn't so, so _wrestleable..._

"Jack, stand still. I want to look in your eyes." 

"No," said Jack. He didn't want to hear what Daniel would decide to compare his brown eyes to. "Teal'c, don't let him look in your eyes." 

"I _know_ what Teal'c's eyes look like. They look exactly like that really rich dark chocolate. The imported stuff." 

"Okay, so Teal'c is expensive chocolate, and I'm your ordinary, home-brand stuff. Happy?" 

"No, _Teal'c_ has eyes like chocolate, you don't." 

"Daniel, would you try to walk in a straight line?" 

"I am. _You're_ walking too close to me." 

"That's to make sure you don't trip over your own feet. Which, might I remind you, you do often enough when sober." 

"I do not." 

"Do too." 

"Do not!" Daniel, concentrating his gaze on Jack, inevitably tripped. 

Jack steadied him. "Proof of point," he said smugly. 

Daniel, however, was triumphant. "You have cow eyes!" 

"What?" 

"Teal'c has chocolate eyes, you have cow eyes!" 

"Oh for -- cow eyes? Cow eyes?" 

"Cows have nice eyes," Daniel assured him. 

"Sure. Sure they do. Many the poem has been written waxing lyrical about lovers with cow eyes." 

He heard Carter sniggering. "Lovers?" 

"You know what I mean, Carter. How far away is that gate, anyway?" 

Teal'c had the answer. "At our current rate, I estimate we will arrive there within an hour and a half." 

"We haven't come that far!" 

"At our current rate, as I said. Which is significantly slower than our rate of arrival." 

"I know how to fix that," said Daniel. 

"How?" 

"Race you to the gate!" Without waiting for an answer, he set off, pack bouncing, elbows held in close, gangly legs finding an erratic rhythm. 

Taken by surprise, the remaining three watched his progress. 

"Whenever I have occasion to see Daniel run, I'm always reminded of Charlie's first race when he was six," commented Jack. 

"He's not really made for running, is he?" agreed Carter. 

"He is not stopping, O'Neill." 

"Oh for crying out loud," sighed Jack. "Daniel? Daniel!" He commenced running after the bouncing figure ahead. "Daniel, get back here!" 

As it turned out, SG-1 made it to the stargate half an hour in advance of Teal'c's estimated time of arrival. 

* * *

The wormhole's offering for the SGC that day provided the lion's share of the commissary gossip for that evening. For starters, the team returning was SG-1, always an event. Secondly, their return was well ahead of schedule. Thirdly... 

Teal'c stepped through first, with something draped across his shoulders. The 'something', it became quickly apparent, was Dr Daniel Jackson. 

Fourthly... a trail of brilliant blue petals billowed around the two, fluttering onto the ramp. 

Fifthly... Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter arrived, both red in the face, panting, Colonel O'Neill's clothes in a state of dishevelment. Colonel O'Neill was also displaying definite signs of flower infestation; one blue bloom poked out of his collar, another was caught in the tuck of his boot. 

General Hammond approached the straggling group. "Colonel O'Neill. What happened?" 

"The usual, sir," said Jack. "Daniel gambolled, Teal'c frolicked, Carter tip-toed through the tulips --" 

General Hammond blinked, as if uncertain he'd heard correctly. "What about Dr Jackson?" 

"Oh, I think he's just sleeping." 

"Sleeping?" 

Jack bent down to the vicinity of Teal'c's waist, and thus Daniel's head. "Yo, Danny. Wakey wakey." 

"Go 'way, Jack." 

The doors to the embarkation room opened, and a brisk white-coated figure commanded, "Give him here." 

"He's fine, Doc," said Jack, "just a little, er..." 

"He's ingested a substance, probably from a flower native to the planet," explained Carter, glaring at Jack, "causing some form of psychotropic effect." 

"Such as?" Janet took hold of a hanging wrist and held it while observing her watch. 

"He's dopey," said Jack. "As you can see. And uncoordinated. Well, more than normal." 

"Distractible, sedated and hyperactive by turns," listed Carter, "with logical functions a little compromised." 

"His heart-rate is a little slow," said Janet. "Teal'c, can you carry him to the infirmary?" As Teal'c began to leave, she checked over the two remaining members. "Colonel, you don't look so good either." 

"His knee, however," said Teal'c from the doorway, "is fine, I assure you. I inspected it myself." 

General Hammond interrupted Janet's narrow-eyed assessment of Jack. "Colonel O'Neill, why is the stargate ramp covered in flower petals? Why is your uniform in such a state? What happened on that planet?" 

On one side, Janet eyed him suspiciously. On his other side, Carter swung the camcorder casually from one hand, also giving him the eye. And in front of him, an authoritative General Hammond fixed him with a firm stare. He was boxed in. 

"Flowers, sir," said Jack. 

"I can see that, Colonel. Care to explain a little further?" 

"They gave off fumes, or something. I guess they made us all a little crazy." He ignored Carter's snort of disbelief. "Carter, hand those samples in to the lab. I'm going to the infirmary." 

Janet drew back in shock. "You're volunteering to go to the infirmary?" 

"Given the circumstances," said Hammond, "I suggest you both go there as quickly as possible. I'll schedule a full debriefing once I have the preliminary medical reports. Dr Fraiser, a word?" 

Jack escaped quickly, before anyone thought to question him further. Unfortunately he had Carter along for the journey, but perhaps... 

"Okay, Carter, how much do you want for the tape." 

She swung the camera idly as she walked. "Sir, this tape is required for the debriefing. It constitutes important evidence of what took place." 

"Me sitting in a field of flowers," downplayed Jack. "I hardly think that's important evidence." 

"Oh, there's a little more detail than that. It seems," said Carter, thoughtfully, "that Daniel forgot to turn the camera off. And as you know, it has sound, as well as film." 

"What, so it..." Jack swallowed. "Everything?" 

"Everything, sir." 

He was so dead. 

**~ The End ~**

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>   
>  © March 4, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.  
> 

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**Author's Note:** Thanks go to Daniel Kendrick, who pointed out a couple of clumsy bits despite being on his deathbed. 

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